Ralph Lander, 92, ‘You Just Have to Go with the Flow,’ VNA Helps Him Stay Home

Ron Wilshire

Ron Wilshire

Published February 19, 2018 5:45 am
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VENUS, Pa. (EYT) — Ralph Lander, 92, of Venus, wants to stay in his home he built with his own hands in 1952. 

His family also wants him to stay in his home, and the Clarion Forest VNA is helping make that possible.

This is the same home he built in the year he was married to Marian Guth and the same home where they raised six children. Along the way, he has had a well-lived life.

“He worked so hard in his life and saved all of his life,” said daughter Lynne Fleisher. “He doesn’t qualify for much because of the fact that he was a good saver. We really found that VNA Extended Care was an alternative.  It may cost us some money, but at the end of the day, he’s getting good service.  You get what you pay for, and that’s what he saved for.  He doesn’t have to be out of his home.”

Lynne and her sister Lisa Carroll are the only members of the family left in Pennsylvania.  They both work, and when it was time for getting help, Clarion Forest VNA was their first choice.

Their dad was on his own until he was 90, and his two daughters knew it was time.

“He only started receiving extended care the last two years,” Lynne continued.

“He’s been on his own until he was 90.  There are some short-term memory concerns, and unfortunately, because of heart issues, his license was taken away. That cut down on his interaction, and that’s why we looked for someone to help us, and that’s when we found VNA extended care.“

VNA Extended Care sends their workers four days a week to clean, make a meal, take him to the doctors, and visit with him.

“They run the show, and that’s it,” Lander said.

His daughter said she thought he is always looking for someone who cooks as well as her mom who was an excellent cook.  Marian passed away 10 years ago and is still the light of his life.

Lynne says she enjoys the interaction and the gals that come to his house are fantastic.  Two of the VNA staff, Julie and Darla, live over in the Fryburg area, and he knew their parents. The arrangement was not like having a stranger come in your home.

The sisters decided to add another VNA option for the care of their father last year, Adult Day Care. The Adult Daily Living Center located in Shippenville offers adult day care for anyone needing the services or to provide a respite for caregivers.

“I play puzzles and cards and those kind of things,” Ralph said. “It’s also a place to go and talk.  It’s nothing serious or anything, but it does break up the week. You can meet people, and you can come and go. We talk about everything. The past and what’s coming up. Nancy doesn’t let me get away with anything at home. It’s just that you have company here.  You’re able to mix things up once and a while.”

Lynne and Lisa try to get him out as much as they can and want him to stay active.

Ralph also knows a little about being a caretaker for a person.  His wife had Parkinson’s.

“He was by her side the whole time,” Lynne said. “I’m proud of my father because when you lose your significant other, you don’t know how it’s going to go.  But, this man is a trooper, and he really thrived.  It’s hard—you want to try and find people you trust, and we totally trust Julie and her staff.  You don’t have to worry about anything.  I go to work, and I don’t have to worry about something happening to him. The main thing is I didn’t want him to be by himself all day.”

Just as he once built the house, Ralph called on his carpentry building skills to adapt the house with ramps handles for his wife as she went through Parkinson’s.

Ralph was also able to see the world and joined the U.S. Army after World War II and was stationed in Japan for 17 months.

“He helped to rebuild the country, running dozers and other equipment,” Lynne said.  “He always told us as kids about the poverty, and they didn’t have anything. These stories need to be told, and I’m so glad he told us about it because it gives you a different look on life.  War is not kind, but it happens.  Fortunately, our father was able to help make a difference in people’s lives. They treated him as a liberator, not a conqueror.”

Ralph said he always tried to go with the flow.

“They didn’t push you into a corner and want something,” Ralph said. “I never feared for my life over there because everyone was so kind.”

He came back home and got to work, only retiring when he was 69.

He worked as a driver for the Harold Siegel Coal Company and also did carpentry and construction. He liked the carpentry because it gave him a chance to fix things.

“He worked on the construction of the newer part of the IC school and the steeples and the sidewalks of St. Michael’s and St. Joe’s,” Lynne said. “He has his fingerprints all over.”

He was busy.

“I kept busy my whole life from the time I was about 18 years old,” Ralph said.” Pausing a moment, he continued, “Time seems to come and go and moves through your mind, and you don’t know what you did do and didn’t do.”

Memory is like that.  It floats around and then treats you to some of your best memories.  For Ralph, that has to be his marriage.

Asked about his wife, his memory kicked in, and he beamed.

“It was really nice when I met my wife. We used to go to dances and everybody else wanted to dance with her, but I wanted to dance with her. She was a wonderful girl. I know there were probably 100 guys that wanted to dance with her, but I beat them to it.  She was heaven on earth. She was my pride and joy.  She was — honest to God — a lady in every which way. Every day was another nice day.”

At home, he has his puzzles and likes to watch sports of all kinds, especially baseball and hockey. 

“We try to keep him away from the news,” added Lynne.

“Some people have problems in life—but between my wife and our families we have always gotten along, and life has always been good,” Ralph explained. “You have to go with the flow.”

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