State Police Apprehend Dinosaurs After Cranberry Elementary Disturbance

Tyler Ochs

Tyler Ochs

Published June 4, 2018 5:49 pm
State Police Apprehend Dinosaurs After Cranberry Elementary Disturbance

CRANBERRY, Pa. (EYT) — Franklin-based State Police apprehended three male dinosaurs who were found causing a disturbance during summer dismissal Monday at Cranberry Elementary School.

Around 11:00 a.m., the suspects were found running through lines of children, chomping at the heads of innocent bystanders, and kicking a large red ball at and around the children.

The suspects were also seen fighting with each other while “causing a general distraction and dismay,” according to Franklin-based State Police Tpr. Shiley.

Tpr. Shiley arrived at Cranberry Elementary School and was able to detain the green and brown dinosaurs.

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<p>While his accomplices were being detained, the grey dinosaur scared a driver from her bus and proceeded to lock the door and take over the bus.</p>
<p>The grey dinosaur fled through the front door once Tpr. Shiley breached the bus through its back door.</p>
<p>He was apprehended a short time later and the children were safely released for summer vacation.</p>
<p>Charges of Criminal Mischief, Tom Foolery, Reckless Shenanigans, and Being Alive After Extinction were filed against the following reptiles:</p>
<p>– Unknown Grey Male Tyrannosaurus Rex, 68,002,018-years-old, of USA, Earth<br />
– Unknown Green Male Tyrannosaurus Rex, 67,298,123-years-old, of USA, Earth<br />
– Unknown Brown Male Tyrannosaurus Rex, 66,456,388-years-old, of USA, Earth</p>
<p>The charges were filed through District Judge Patrick Lowrey’s office.</p>
<p>Bail was set at 5,000 bones each; however, it was waived and the 3 dinosaurs were released on their own recognizance.</p>
<p>They are awaiting preliminary hearings. </p>
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